u’re ever gonna do hit the brakes stopped hit the little voice what am I thinking leaped in grabbed the wheel yeah but you’re gonna be alone forever little thing that I want to do things couples yeah but you’re gonna die alone all alone shut up shut up shut up and then you sit back down you stay with these people because you think you can fix them and here’s a newsflash you can’t okay you can’t fix them they’re broken man and you just gotta let them go let them go let them go so they can ruin someone else’s life.
And let me tell you something about marriage you’re married there if you’re married you have to learn to keep the romance alive keep it alive yeah you know what my wife did on Valentine’s Day last year are you ready for this no audible gasp pink towels in the bathroom audience not only did she ignore me but decorated the entire house in the most flamboyant female mental pause with crayons awful she made like everything pink the pillows pink the towels pink the toilet paper people the toilet paper I’m a man I don’t want even want to know what’s that kind of that is pinquacja which I happened to discover accidentally I mean she’s nuts there’s flowers up yeah of course there’s flowers everywhere I mean not like roses oh no no not like you know hey ho but he got me some roses yeah will from Trader Joe’s but here’s what she did and I advise you as well let me be infallible fallible works stay away stay away from bringing home plants on Valentine’s Day works every time I got her a little rose bush see him aren’t you precious they can plant it and watch it grow and it can be like our love so I get up and what does she vegetation all right I’m gonna go Vegas sit back down sit back down I’m like all right hang out with your friend’s Bush I had a plant on the desk when we first moved in together Texas in the dark dark pink to plant just that one plant at that yeah so delightful and the plant lives in it has thrived your love has not grown you are not in love you’re idiots no plant it lied and that’s why you’re a psycho and the worst part about Valentine’s Day the worst part about Valentine’s Day is the gifts they’re so creepy they’re like they’re like anthropomorphic okay yeah like stuffed animals where do you go and what do you do who’d you ask and consulted liquor again thought it was a good idea great idea.
u can do better maybe you’re the problem and you know what he’s right that’s why I stayed with it for so long man but the day I filed for divorce this was the greatest day of my life man I felt free I felt like I took off a 200-pound backpack of pain and hatred and I was lighter and happier and free but the thing about freedom is that yeah I had my freedom but so did she so now I’m out in the world man and she’s out in the world we’re covered law-cut pricks like heath language animals pathetic feebles I hate you sh waste of skin vile except for the kids no she turned that hate on me man because she because I found happiness and she didn’t and now every time I see that woman she looks at me with such anger and hatred and fury I never thought I could see in somebody else’s eyes and I’m just like yeah.
So that’s where I’m at right now but you know what I am so stoked because I have this new special that I’m putting up for free on my YouTube channel Christopher Titus TV it’s called Love is Evil and I hope you guys check it out and enjoy it because laughter is the best medicine in these tough times so stay safe and stay laughing. Thank you for all the support.
In Retrospect
u can do and then I come crying back begging for forgiveness all right that was tough but man I am never doing that again after this happened ten more times man finally I was like enough it was like a year and I finally drew a line in the sand I’m like since I met you you wrecked my life I’m leaving I’m breaking up with you and I don’t ever want to see you again and that and that voice left me alone and I hit the doors start to leave and the voice was like oh so you’re serious about this yeah yep this time I’m done and the voice went well all right then if you’re not gonna listen to me I got something to say to you that I’ve been holding back well you know you’re.
And then the voice said well you know you’re you’re not cool not smart not funny and by bashing my mother ah now you done it now you’re going to pound town all right guys thanks for coming out tonight Oh happy Valentine’s Day go to my website christophertitus.com check out tour dates check out the podcast the Armageddon update show on YouTube and the new comedy special love is evil. All right guys have a great night.